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Diffstat (limited to 'wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.pirate.php')
| -rw-r--r-- | wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.pirate.php | 181 |
1 files changed, 181 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.pirate.php b/wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.pirate.php new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f26d7ac --- /dev/null +++ b/wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.pirate.php @@ -0,0 +1,181 @@ +<?php + +/* $Id: function.pirate.php,v 1.1.1.1 2004/10/14 12:07:23 donncha Exp $ */ + +/* + Smarty plugin + ------------------------------------------------------------- + File: function.pirate.php + Type: function + Name: pirate + Purpose: Piratize your content! + ------------------------------------------------------------- + + $Id: function.pirate.php,v 1.1.1.1 2004/10/14 12:07:23 donncha Exp $ +*/ + +function smarty_function_pirate($params, &$smarty) +{ + extract( $params ); + + if( '0919' != date('md') ) + { + return $content; + } + // Always replace these: + $patterns = array( + '%\bmy\b%' => 'me', + '%\bboss\b%' => 'admiral', + '%\bmanager\b%' => 'admiral', + '%\b[Cc]aptain\b%' => "Cap'n", + '%\bmyself\b%' => 'meself', + '%\byour\b%' => 'yer', + '%\byou\b%' => 'ye', + '%\bfriend\b%' => 'matey', + '%\bfriends\b%' => 'maties', + '%\bco[-]?worker\b%' => 'shipmate', + '%\bco[-]?workers\b%' => 'shipmates', + '%\bearlier\b%' => 'afore', + '%\bold\b%' => 'auld', + '%\bthe\b%' => "th'", + '%\bof\b%' => "o'", + "%\bdon't\b%" => "dern't", + '%\bdo not\b%' => "dern't", + '%\bnever\b%' => "ne'er", + '%\bever\b%' => "e'er", + '%\bover\b%' => "o'er", + '%\bYes\b%' => 'Aye', + '%\bNo\b%' => 'Nay', + "%\bdon't know\b%" => "dinna", + "%\bhadn't\b%" => "ha'nae", + "%\bdidn't\b%"=> "di'nae", + "%\bwasn't\b%" => "weren't", + "%\bhaven't\b%" => "ha'nae", + '%\bfor\b%' => 'fer', + '%\bbetween\b%' => 'betwixt', + '%\baround\b%' => "aroun'", + '%\bto\b%' => "t'", + "%\bit's\b%" => "'tis", + '%\bwoman\b%' => 'wench', + '%\blady\b%' => 'wench', + '%\bwife\b%' => 'lady', + '%\bgirl\b%' => 'lass', + '%\bgirls\b%' => 'lassies', + '%\bguy\b%' => 'lubber', + '%\bman\b%' => 'lubber', + '%\bfellow\b%' => 'lubber', + '%\bdude\b%' => 'lubber', + '%\bboy\b%' => 'lad', + '%\bboys\b%' => 'laddies', + '%\bchildren\b%' => 'little sandcrabs', + '%\bkids\b%' => 'minnows', + '%\bhim\b%' => 'that scurvey dog', + '%\bher\b%' => 'that comely wench', + '%\bhim\.\b%' => 'that drunken sailor', + '%\bHe\b%' => 'The ornery cuss', + '%\bShe\b%' => 'The winsome lass', + "%\bhe's\b%" => 'he be', + "%\bshe's\b%" => 'she be', + '%\bwas\b%' => "were bein'", + '%\bHey\b%' => 'Avast', + '%\bher\.\b%' => 'that lovely lass', + '%\bfood\b%' => 'chow', + '%\broad\b%' => 'sea', + '%\broads\b%' => 'seas', + '%\bstreet\b%' => 'river', + '%\bstreets\b%' => 'rivers', + '%\bhighway\b%' => 'ocean', + '%\bhighways\b%' => 'oceans', + '%\bcar\b%' => 'boat', + '%\bcars\b%' => 'boats', + '%\btruck\b%' => 'schooner', + '%\btrucks\b%' => 'schooners', + '%\bSUV\b%' => 'ship', + '%\bairplane\b%' => 'flying machine', + '%\bjet\b%' => 'flying machine', + '%\bmachine\b%' => 'contraption', + '%\bdriving\b%' => 'sailing', + '%\bdrive\b%' => 'sail', + ); + + // Replace the words: + $content = array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content); + + // Word ending mangling: + $patterns = array( + '/ing\b/' => "in'", + // '/([a-zA-Z]{3,}[^lbro])ly(\W)/' => '$1-like$2', + ); + + $content = array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content); + + // Random exclamations and such: + $patterns = array( + '/(\.\s)/e' => 'avast("$0",3)', + ); + + $content = array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content); + + // Let's increase the chance for exclamation marks and question marks + $patterns = array( + '/([!\?]\s)/e' => 'avast("$0",2)', + ); + + $content = array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content); + + return $content; +} + +// support function for pirate() +function avast($stub = '',$chance = 5) { + $shouts = array( + ", avast$stub", + "$stub Ahoy!", + ", and a bottle of rum!", + ", by Blackbeard's sword$stub", + ", by Davy Jones' locker$stub", + "$stub Walk the plank!", + "$stub Aarrr!", + "$stub Yaaarrrrr!", + ", pass the grog!", + ", and dinna spare the whip!", + ", with a chest full of booty$stub", + ", and a bucket o' chum$stub", + ", we'll keel-haul ye!", + "$stub Shiver me timbers!", + "$stub And hoist the mainsail!", + "$stub And swab the deck!", + ", ye scurvey dog$stub", + "$stub Fire the cannons!", + ", to be sure$stub", + ", I'll warrant ye$stub", + ); + + shuffle($shouts); + + return (((1 == rand(1,$chance))?array_shift($shouts):$stub) . ' '); +} + +// This function takes an array of ('/pattern/' => 'replacement') pairs +// and applies them all to $content. +function array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content) { + // Extract the values: + $keys = array_keys($patterns); + $values = array_values($patterns); + + // Modify the key patterns to avoid modifying the contents + // of HTML tags + for ($i = 0; $i < count($keys); $i++) { + $regexp = $keys[$i]; + +// $regexp = preg_replace('%^(.)(.+)(.)$%','$1(?!<[^>])$2(?![>])$3',$regexp); + + $keys[$i] = $regexp; + } + + // Replace the words: + $content = preg_replace($keys,$values,$content); + + return $content; +} +?> |