diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.cork.php')
| -rw-r--r-- | wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.cork.php | 157 |
1 files changed, 157 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.cork.php b/wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.cork.php new file mode 100644 index 0000000..fac9c31 --- /dev/null +++ b/wp-inst/wp-content/smarty-plugins/function.cork.php @@ -0,0 +1,157 @@ +<?php +/* + Smarty plugin + ------------------------------------------------------------- + File: function.cork.php + Type: function + Name: cork + Purpose: Piratize your content! + ------------------------------------------------------------- + + $Id: function.cork.php,v 1.1.1.1 2004/10/14 12:07:23 donncha Exp $ +*/ + +function smarty_function_cork($params, &$smarty) +{ + extract( $params ); + + if( '0919' != date('md') ) + { + return $content; + } + // Always replace these: + $patterns = array( + '%\bmy\b%' => 'me', + '%\bcareful\b%' => 'wide', + '%\bfooling\b%' => 'codding', + '%\bjoking\b%' => 'codding', + '%\b[Ee]xcuse me\b%' => 'C\'mere', + '%\bcommon sense\b%' => 'cop on', + '%\bkick\b%' => 'funt', + '%\bgood looking\b%' => 'fine half', + '%\bgood looking guy\b%' => 'flah', + '%\bgood looking girl\b%' => 'flah', + '%\bbeautiful girl\b%' => 'flah', + '%\bbeautiful woman\b%' => 'flah', + '%\btired\b%' => 'flahed out', + '%\bexhausted\b%' => 'flahed out', + '%\bunpleasant\b%' => 'ganky', + '%\bterrible\b%' => 'nawful', + '%\bnot nice\b%' => 'ganky', + '%\blook\b%' => 'gawk', + '%\bidiot\b%' => 'gowl', + '%\bthat\'s good\b%' => 'how bad?', + '%\b[Nn]o!\b%' => 'I wil, yeah!', + '%\blovely\b%' => 'massive', + '%\bLovely\b%' => 'Massive', + '%\bnot real\b%' => 'mockeyah', + '%\bgirlfriend\b%' => 'oul doll', + '%\bskipping school\b%' => 'on the hop', + '%\bvery lucky\b%' => 'poxed', + '%\btrainers\b%' => 'rubber dollies', + '%\brunners\b%' => 'rubber dollies', + '%\bsports shoes\b%' => 'rubber dollies', + '%\bake a look\b%' => 'ake a sconse', + '%\bis vain\b%' => 'is septic', + '%\bfemale\b%' => 'wan', + '%\b\wouldn\'t dareb%' => 'would yeah', + '%\bHe looks bad\b%' => 'State a him la', + '%\bvery\b%' => 'pure', + '%\bcare\b%' => 'give two f*cks', + '%\bprostitue\b%' => 'brasser', + '%\bmale\b%' => 'fein', + '%\bman\b%' => 'feen', + '%\bstupid\b%' => 'gowl', + '%\bpotatoes\b%' => 'poppies', + '%\becstasy\b%' => 'yolkies', + '%\b[Gg]arda\b%' => 'Shades', + '%\b[Pp]olice\b%' => 'Law', + '%\bGarda motorbike\b%' => 'Speedy', + '%\bdeformed\b%' => 'gammy', + '%\bbroken\b%' => 'gammy', + '%\bdrink\b%' => 'on the tear', + '%\bdrinking\b%' => 'gattin', + '%\bGreat\b%' => 'How Bad!', + '%\bave a go\b%' => 'ave a lash', + '%\bmother\b%' => 'mam', + '%\blook\b%' => 'lamp', + '%\bhome\b%' => 'gaff', + '%\bhouse\b%' => 'gaff', + '%\bnose\b%' => 'gonzer', + '%\bHow\'s the form?\b%' => 'How are you?', + '%\bhaircut\b%' => 'bazzer', + '%\bsatisfaction\b%' => 'soot', + '%\bvomiting\b%' => 'gawking', + '%\bvomit\b%' => 'gawk', + '%\bsnail\b%' => 'shelityhorn', + '%\bvery nice\b%' => 'me daza', + '%\bThis\b%' => 'Dis' + #'%\b\b%' => '', + ); + + // Replace the words: + $content = array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content); + + // Word ending mangling: + $patterns = array( + '/ing\b/' => "in'", + // '/([a-zA-Z]{3,}[^lbro])ly(\W)/' => '$1-like$2', + ); + + $content = array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content); + + // Random exclamations and such: + $patterns = array( + '/(\.\s)/e' => 'avast("$0",3)', + ); + + $content = array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content); + + // Let's increase the chance for exclamation marks and question marks + $patterns = array( + '/([!\?]\s)/e' => 'avast("$0",5)', + ); + + $content = array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content); + + return $content; +} + +// support function for cork() +function avast($stub = '',$chance = 5) { + $shouts = array( + ", like!", + ", you know like?", + ", la!", + ", boy!", + "Like eh, $stub" + ); + + shuffle($shouts); + + return (((1 == rand(1,$chance))?array_shift($shouts):$stub) . ' '); +} + +// This function takes an array of ('/pattern/' => 'replacement') pairs +// and applies them all to $content. +function array_apply_regexp($patterns,$content) { + // Extract the values: + $keys = array_keys($patterns); + $values = array_values($patterns); + + // Modify the key patterns to avoid modifying the contents + // of HTML tags + for ($i = 0; $i < count($keys); $i++) { + $regexp = $keys[$i]; + +// $regexp = preg_replace('%^(.)(.+)(.)$%','$1(?!<[^>])$2(?![>])$3',$regexp); + + $keys[$i] = $regexp; + } + + // Replace the words: + $content = preg_replace($keys,$values,$content); + + return $content; +} +?> |